I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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