Moan for me like Helen Keller
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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