Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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