It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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