He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I AM VODKA MAN
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
