sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
