i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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