Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
