Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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