Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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