im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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