somebody snuck up and got me drunk
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
