Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
