I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
how drunk are you?
Several
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
