My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
