If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
