My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
