Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
