You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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