When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
