shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
