I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
