TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
