He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
