and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
