I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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