This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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