I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
