you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
