Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Randomize
