oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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