The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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