I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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