I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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