ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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