I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
