I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
