the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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