On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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