Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
