on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
