remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
