we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
