is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
