update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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