Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
