i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
