Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
either way he was missing a nipple.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
