I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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