I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
