He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
