if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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